I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
