He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
