Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
