It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We need a shit load of segways right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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