just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
