I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize