it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
