I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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