Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
