last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
