Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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