Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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