Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
