Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
