I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
