I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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