i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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