I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
