and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
