I want to make a zoo with you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
