My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
