20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
