i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
