My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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