State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i drank out of a bidet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
