I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
