hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
