So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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