New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
