Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
