I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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