Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
