Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
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if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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