If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
