It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
