If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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