If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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