you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
