With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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