Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world

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(845): View more from New York

Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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(207): View more from Maine

we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame

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(917): View more from New York City

He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends

(310): View more from California

Pharmasutra?

(702): View more from Nevada

Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms

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