I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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