Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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