physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
