I love black thongs
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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