well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
