We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
