you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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