I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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