the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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