He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
