she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
