he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
