But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
