True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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