I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
