I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
