i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
