Got a toothbrush?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
