who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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