He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
