felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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