You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
