you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
