i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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