I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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