Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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