i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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