That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
