You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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