I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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