They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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