At least make sure they are 18
Why
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
